Why do good girls like bad guys... random thought...

Why do (good) girls like 'bad boys'? Guys that disrespect and treat them like crap? Guys who belittle them, laugh at their dreams and make them feel worthless, unattractive and like shit? They hold on to these guys and let the 'good' (or should I say better? cos I don't believe any guy is 100% good, he's probably just better than the next) slip away?

"I refuse to be a statistic". haha. At the risk of 'chasing' any potential guys away...lmao.. like really though.. They say that it's 'love' and that it's one of those circumstances where the heart neither listens to nor sees reason and fails to think logically... Well i say f**k that. Broken hearts, painful as they may be (and i know quite a bit about 'heartbreak'/heartache).. heal with time. They may leave behind scars, some of which may be permanent, but scars fade with time and become 'less visible'... And I believe that when the right person comes along... i.e. when you find 'true/real love' (whatever that its... if it really does exist) they will make you forget all about the pain and negativity you endured... but if you stick with the wrong person, 'because you don't want to be lonely'.. you rob yourself of that opportunity. I'm not saying that this so called true love is guaranteed, or that you will find it when you want... all i'm saying is that it is better to try to look for it and fail, than not to try at all... that's my position on the subject anyways.. and its also better to be alone, than to be with someone who you know in your heart is not right for you... someone who you wake up every morning asking yourself why....lol

So who is the right person? What qualities/traits/characteristics does he/she have? What is true love supposed to be or feel like? I shall address all these questions in a later post.. (yes, i'm keeping y'all in suspense so you come back..haha..jokes.) But all I can say right now is that all those things mean different things to different people at different times.. (does that make sense??lol). And finding someone whose ideals fit yours (not necessarily being identical or congrual to yours) is a step in the forward direction.

Basically, all i'm trying to convey/say is that you should not put up with some idiot's b.s in the name of love... because that's just #lame..haha

Anyways... I gotta go to the gym now... Apparently (apparently) I'm starting to become/look fat..? that sucks ass... and is highly depressing... and it's like the more i try to starve myself, the worse it gets (apparently).. anyways... i shall moan about my body issues later.

Oh, and btw this post is not about anybody in particular... just been doing a little thinking lately, that's all..

~*~the ever sexy (despite what the haters and critics say..)~*~

.oao.

my little 'rant' part I

okay, so i know i haven't written anything in a while (again!!)... been busy with school/life etc.. Have had a rough year so far. Been through a lot- emotionally, mentally, psychologically, spiritually, physically and such.. It's been hard, but 'I'm still standing' (like Monica-lol) so i guess i shouldn't complain, huh.

Anyways, i want to rant! lol. Like just because i act like everything is peachy/all good don't mean it is. I tend to hide/cover up my feelings/emotions... and i don't know why. I think one of the best ways to describe myself is 'a tortured soul'. It's sad, really. Sometimes i cry- on the inside, though-lol... I think my heart bleeds through my eyes... so it's not really tears, per say, it's more like colorless 'heart blood'.. like my 'icebox' is leaking...haha. It's the means through which i express the pain i feel on the inside. Don't ask what is making me hurt, 'cause i couldn't tell you even if i wanted- that's possibly what makes it all so sad/bad.

Anywayss what triggered the writing of this post? Well, some people been focusing on and highlighting my more negative qualities lately, and it's starting to piss me the f**k off. Like, sure, i have some quirks, but i like to think that i am perfect in my imperfections. Do i think i need to change? Yes. Do i want to? Not so much. Change is hard/difficult/tasking. But i do know i will get better, with time... "Give me time, baby. Give me time."...*sigh*

It's like always one thing or the other. Fuck. I have issues, sue me! Did anyone think for one second that there is a reason behind my actions/ways of thinking?? There is method to my seeming madness, like i always say. I have been hurt/burned by people whom i had trusted or liked... but that's another story for another day/post/. I've let that go though, and hold no grudges, cos that would counterproductive and rather unhealthy.

I try to protect/shield my heart from further hurt/pain by not 'feeling', and people read this the wrong way. The best way i know to protect myself is by not caring... and the sad part about it is that i've gotten so caught up in the self protection/preservation jazz that it spills over into my everyday life. Like, apparently i'm so hardhearted that i don't smile anymore (even when i think i am..lol) and i don't laugh much either...(?)

I find it difficult to show/express emotions (-shocker!lol) even to people that i supposedly 'like'/'love' and that doesn't help the situation much, 'cause they come to think that i don't care, when i actually do... a lot too. And yea, it's pretty fucked up. There's sometimes when shit happens and i'm like "I should be upset" or "I should say something right now" but I'm not and i don't. I don't know why... I guess i'm kinda numb on the inside. And sometimes when the 'pain' gets too much and I cry/'bleed', (lol) i get even more numb afterwards.

Anyways y'all I think this has been a pretty depressing/sad/all too revealing post (don't you think?) So i'll stop here. I should like go do something to lift my spirits. hmm... But i hope people understand me a little better after reading this. Anyways (i say that word too much, i know..lol) here's a quick shout out to every and any one who hurt me or made me cry-- Thank you.x

Peace y'all. Promise my next post (which should be up by the end of the day) will be more positive/happy sounding :-)

~the highly frustrated yet, ever sexy~

o.a.o