oooh i'm so mad... my lil' rant

okay, so i'm sooo mad right now.. i'll tell you why in a minute.. but basically i'm writing cos i'm mad.. or angry.. or pissed.. however and whatever you wanna call it.. i'm like writing away my anger... i know there's loads of other things i could do... liquor.. green... get some ummm something.. eat a pint of ice cream or cake or something so totally bad for me that i'll... i'll... i don't even know what i'll do.. but this seemed like the easiest of the lot... for now... we'll see how that goes...

So why am i mad? can't speak too much on the topic... basically cos i think i'm mostly mad at myself.. like, if i could whoop my own ass i would. The 'reason'...? Well, all i will say is that when you expect too much from people... expect to be disappointed.. in fact, get ready to be.. because you most probably will. i do not know why it's so hard for me to get that concept through my thick skull.. ugghhh!

Now, if you know me, you know i hate to be pessimistic about these things... but fuck it. i'm tired... so frustrated.. cos its someone i really like love too.. but oh well, i guess its the people you care about the most who are in the best position to cut you the deepest, huh.. and that's one of the reasons my heart is so 'guarded'... haha.. jokes.. When will I learn? The stupid thing is that i had my next two posts lined up too.. First was based off a conversation between myself and a friend about how most girls are trifling and all.. and the second was probably gonna be something holiday/Christmas related.. but right now..... and today was a good day too.. granted i woke up sick.. but like i got to spend time with a homie... and actually had fun.. *sigh* such an anticlimactic end to the day... :(

Lemme try and drop a lil' sumthn though.. hopefully take my mind of the B.S that just unfolded..

So yea, I am tired of guys talking this mess that babes aren't shit... they just want your money and shit... like GTFOH with that rubbish... for a while, i was like.. hmm... maybe these dudes is right.. and i was starting to feel sorry for their sorry asses.. but now.... Let's just say that i'll laugh in the next dude's face who comes up to me with that shit.. fuck it.. y'all ask for it. you treat the good girls like trash.. and put these dumb ass broads on a friggin pedestal.. what incentive is there to be 'good' anymore? its like someone works hard and honestly, and doesn't get paid.. and the other doesn't come to work.. cuts corners.. and is making 'mad cash'.. who wouldn't want to follow the latter's footsteps. I mean, morality does/should play an important role. For instance myself, personally.. i think i have an overactive conscience. so i definitely couldn't do these things, cos apart from the fact that there's no reason to and that i do not know how.. actually in actual actuality (lol) i think it's wrong (not like i'm tryna judge nobody or knock anyone's hustle...) but like what does 'morality' mean to people these days? to most people, it don't mean shit. Nothing, nada. Its just another word that has been wiped out most people's vocabularies.

Now, i'm not even tryna come across as some self-righteous/holier-than-thou/perfectly good person. If you know me, you'll know that i'm far from any of those things atm.. sure, i'm working on getting my life like completely right/whatever.. but i'm just calling it like i see it.. people judge my ass all the fucking time.. and i'm not even saying that that makes it right for me to do likewise.. i'm just saying.. i can call a spade a spade without judging it, ya feel me?lol...

so basically, the moral of the story is...lol.. oao doesn't think its right for babes to 'use' guys like they do.. but she thinks its good for the dumb-ass idiot guys.. they deserve it. Why? because they do worse shit and they put trifling hoes and heifers before real girls/wives.. Yup. And i hope they get milked for all their worth too... damn fools, the lot of them... haha.. okay, so i'm done ranting now... still mad/angry though... damn... now gotta find something else to take my mind of stuff... whatever shall i choose...hmmm....

the mad, but still very,very sexy

.oao.

ps. I'm not bitter/man-hating/whatever... simply calling it how i see it.. :)

gotta keep smiling...

"cos you are so beautiful...

when i'm down and out

i never seem to get tired...

ooh tired of your love...

..cos you are wonderful..

...you're wonderful

and i'm dying to make you see

anything you want, inside your heart

you can find right here inside of me..."

lol.. i do love me some Dru Hill, don't I? I'm proud to say I have like all their albums..haha.. and Jodeci.. and Tyrese.. and Joe.. and R. Kelly!!! and all them kinda 'r&b cats'... like the original/real r&b people.. not these fake niggas *coughs* trey songz *coughs* and co.... I mean, his new joint, 'Can't be friends' is banging tho..lol.. I can't lie.. I stay listening to that ish..

Anyways.. this one's not about music.. (i do acknowledge the fact that i do talk about music a little bit too much..lol.. oh well.. *shrugs*) Okay, so this post is supposed to be more 'upbeat'.. but before I begin.. I have something on my chest i need to say..

"I wish we never did it. I wish we never loved it.. I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now there ain't no way we can be friends.."

SIKE!!!!

Nah, that aint it.. what it is is that, i do know that I do act 'different' sometimes.. and sometimes my actions are completely opposite from my intentions/feelings... and this is not a reflection if how i feel about you.. it's just.. like.. 'generalization'.. lol.. its a term in psych.. I'll write more about it and how it relates to this specific situation in the future (hopefully).. but right now i'll give a summary/explanation - you know like how when one person, guy/girl, does something wrong and you go and say all guys are shit... yea.. that's it.. in a nutshell...

haha.. so i just re-read that, and it didn't make too much sense.. but like basically, if i act 'different'.. its cos i probably acted in the proper/correct way before and got hurt.. simple and short.. :)

now to the topic du jour.. (finally!) I decided not to let the negative feelings/situations get me down.. like sure.. bad shit happens.. but like the strength of a (wo)man is not in how few times (s)he falls... but how many times (s)he gets back up.. i think that's how the saying goes, no?lol.. and like there's a lot to be grateful for.. too much even.. Like, whatever happened its not like i'm dying or anything.. and even if i was, I have faith in God enough to know that I will be alright... I have a roof over my head.. clothes on my back.. shoes on my feet.. food to eat... people who care about me.. shooo. There's too much.. I've seen people and heard their stories and i'm like dang.. how you keep going.. so yea, i do know i'm a little too sensitive/touchy feely about a lot of things (everything tbh).. i need to remember to stay.. you know more positive about shit... even though sometimes it gets HARD...

yea, so today.. i've decided to smile more.. ain't nothing changed.. just my attitude/outlook.. (let's see how long it lasts though..) I'll tell you a little bit about the day I had.. only cos i feel like 'sharing'.. feel free to stop reading now.. cos everything from this point is 'extra' and random..lol.. so yea, today, woke up kinda early.. didn't eat breakfast.. as i ate real late the night before.. think i fell asleep eating even..lol. don't even remeber.. i was knocked the eff out..smh.. decided to dress up like a boy...haha.. wore baggy pants, (as opposed to the usual skinnys), even though they made my already big butt look even bigger... gotta work on that.. *sigh* (.. sagged them low too.lol..) wore a hoodie and jacket.. and i'm telling you if you took me to any gay bar, all the ladies would hit on my sexy ass.. hehe.. oh, and there's this dress that i have.. tried it on today.. barely managed to get the zipper up.. made me sad for a bit... as that means no food for a few days.. *sigh* then my hair.. took me bout an hour to get it to listen... little did i know it was gonna snow... and 'natural' hair and moisture don't get along too well..smh..thankfully it kinda stayed put and didn't do nothing too crazy.. read the Bible, prayed.. then dipped.. went to study for a bit.. then lunch.. worked out for a little bit.. going to chill with the girls in a minute.. should be a good night hopefully.. just gotta remember to tell myself to forget about the fact that there's somewhere else i kinda want to be right now... *sigh*.. but can't be sad about that.. gotta keep smiling, right.. :)

~the incredibly sexy~

.oao.

we're not making love no more...

"Girl i know that things ain't going right

but don't you think it deserves a fight,

a love like our's don't happen everyday...

...and we're losing it, right now as we speak,

and if we don't wake up it's a memory

time gone past, a love that sailed away..."

#nowplaying: we're not making love no more - Dru Hill... that song's been on repeat for a minute.. cos that's the kinda mood i've been in for a while.. can't shake the funk... it sucks major balls too... cos its supposed to be 'the most wonderful time of the year'... like Christmas is the highlight of my year.. and i'm not even in the Christmas spirit this year... *sigh* would love to say i don't know why... but i do.. as much as i try to push it away and ignore it.. it's still there.. and i don't know if there's anything i can do to fix it by myself... and i hate asking people to help... anyway... i hope i snap out of it soon enough... cos ce n'est pas bon.. no bueno... i should be singing and dancing on the rooftops... but all i wanna do is... i don't even know anymore...lol.. i just want a hug...lol.. and for someone to tell me it will be okay.. that it will all work out..lol.. okay, i need to umm... not feel this way anymore.. got me writing all emotional and stuff.. (when i'm not Carl Thomas.. geddit?lol) so I'll try to figure out something to do to change it... f*#k. Okay, i promise the next post will be a bit more like cheerful..? hopefully..... *sigh* but until then...

~the slightly depressed, but ever-so-sexy~

.oao.

She's single..

"...that's how it is, every time we mingle,

i make her quit her boyfriend, tell him that she's single,

yea, tonight she's single..."

Haha! so i finally decided to brave it up and watch that new Raheem DeVaughn 'Single' video everyone was raving about... one word #deeeeep! lol. I'm even more of a fan now..lol. Fair enough, the video encourages (lol) or should i say, suggests to women, that if yo man aint handling yo bi'ness right, you might want to go find somebody who can and will...hmm. lol... #nocomment on that one...

"she call me Mr. Marathon.. like a distance runner i perform,

the way i stroke and pace it... mmm and taste it.. girl,

mehn its no wonder that she's 'single'.."

lol. I shall refrain from saying more on the matter, so i'm not misunderstood/misinterpreted.. But like i do kinda have quite a bit to say about it though... ('it' being a certain aspect of the video that some people were freaking out about) but you know what, i shall not right now.. for a number of reasons.. need to come up with a way to keep it PG..lol.. and also have to get back to studying in a little bit.. *sigh* I would have put the video on here... but like... tryna keep this PG..lol.. And this woulda been a good post to put on here cos it fits the title of this blog.. it's 'sexy'.. Dang. Oh well.. lol.. I will try to think of a way to convey that of which i speak (in a non-offensive/non-vulgar/'corrupt' way..lol) and the thing is that the video wasn't even that bad.. like i thought it was quite tastefully done.. anyways.. bye for now.. my books beckon.. *sigh*

the ever so sexy

oao

ps: i think i've got some backdated posts.. some of them were quite decent too.. will try to put em up.. if i can find em.. deuces. :)

#random

♪So hard to breathe this air that we call love,

Aint nothing worse than the hurt we receive from love,

When you get hurt by the one you living for,

Pain can make you wanna love no more♪

Lol... feels like i aint wrote on here in a minute and a half..*sigh*... well, i kinda miss it...lol.. i have written a bunch of stuff though... it's just that most of the things i've been writing bout recently been like too 'deep' to put on here just yet... maybe later.. maybe.. but yea, just felt like i should put something up.. and you know.. 'Holla'..lol. aint really got much to say... right now.. at this particular moment in time..lol.. i think a music post is in order.. best way to write about nothing and still write about something if you know what i mean...lol.. but yea, theres a few songs i'm feeling at the moment, so maybe i could do that... or i could do a post about my favorite like all time songs...hmmm... we'll see..lol..well i'm bout to be out..haha (said i wasn't gonna actually put nothing up just now..) but yea.. here's one of them songs... Dirty Money feat. Drake- 'Loving you no more'. Loves it!

"so many tears i've cried,

but all for nothing i'm afraid to say"

"Damn. Tell me what I'm gone do
Since everything I'm trying to forget is all true....

...But ahhhhh, you see the same one I'm missing

Is basically the reason I became something different

It's just that I remember me before...

And if you could do the same baby then we'll be for sure"

lol.. i could write one/two things bout this song.. but um.. yea.. No. enjoy it though.. :) And i think its funny that 99% of the songs i'm 'feeling' have Drake on them.. Maybe I should do a 'Drizzy' post... hmm... Oh, and i can't believe that's Diddy singing too.. #deep.. it's amazing what autotune can do...lol..

♫♪...so selfishly you can only show feelings when your feel yours in jeopardy..

oh time, oh time has changed and i'm no longer willing

can't you see how my heart is bleeding...♪♫

lol.. okay, i'll stop now. adios people.

~*the ever so sexy*~

.oao.

Days #6&7

Yea.. I missed day 6... My bad.. I don't even remember why... But yea.. I'm going to go out on limb and say it went umm.. well..(?)

Today aka day 7... well, could have gone better. That's all i'm going to say. Worked out quite a bit today.. even though i think i could have done more.. ate a lot of that white stuff aka sugar today.. i swear that shit is like crack...*sigh* i might need to go to rehab for that...

But yea, I saw that 'For Colored Girls' movie today.. I loved it.. Tyler Perry came through and did his thing once again.. That's one movie I won't mind watching again. I would have gone in on the movie.. But i'm not tryna spoil it for anyone.. But yea, LOVED! it.. Went to see it with the wifey..... and we was steady cracking up in there..lol.. we were scared that a mob of 'colored'lol folk would beat us up for making so much noise.. haha.. good times.. :)

anyways.. I've got to go now.. my day starts at 6 in the morning.. its 1am right now.. just got in and people are still unsure of what they doing tonight..*sigh* all I know is that my bed calls and my o-chem textbook is finna singing me a lullaby to sleep...lol

~always sexy~

.oao.

Days #4&5

First of, my bad for not posting yesterday... was mad tired, and the very thought of looking for my laptop and typing just made me want to cry...haha but yea, i shall try to write about the skipped day all the same, even though its like a blur now and i don't remember much (yes, i know it was just yesterday)

Day 4- like i said, i don't remember much... just know i titled my workout 'reverse cowgirl in slow motion'.. haha.. No, i wasn't listening to T-Pain while i was working out.. nor is it what y'all probably thinking.. It was just very... well very retarded/backwards.. and slow too.. took me twice as long to complete the workout..spent an hour doing a 30 minute workout.. tell me how that makes sense.. *sigh*

Day 5- aka today.. went umm not so good to be honest. So like i had to write a list of like what i ate for a few days, sort of like a diet journal, and when i showed it to one of my trainers, she was appalled. She described it as 'horrible' lol.. said i was eating all the things i wasn't supposed to eat and that granted i may train hard, but might as well not be doing anything considering the way i eat.. For one she was like 'candy is not food'..haha.. and that i eat too much sugar/empty calories. darn.. she was also like she wonders how i'm not constantly hungry, as i don't really eat much but sugar.. I never looked at it that way before.. so yea.. gotta work on that (again). The workout today was rather mediocre.. could have done more/gone harder.. but i didn't. I think i'm getting lazy/losing my mojo... what to do.. I might need workout therapy to rekindle my love for the game haha.. oh well..

Anyways.. gotta go now.. need to do work, then catch up on sleep... hopefully will post again tomorrow.. Now that I think about it, I know mad stuff happened on wednesday (day 4) i just can't remember right now.. oh well.. Au revoir.

the ever so sexy

.oao.

Day #3

Day 3....

went okay.. could have been better..lol.. I feel like i said that yesterday.. I was unable to go to the gym as I had intended... There's just not enough hours in the day!! Couldn't go cos I have to work on this paper... *sigh*... anywayss... this is probably going to be like the shortest post ever cos i gotta go now.. crazy tired.. and got mad homework to do too!!! i just want to cry now.. but yea, it's not like that would help my situation... (even though it would make me feel better) *sigh*..

the tired, but still ever sexy

.oao.

Day #2

"They finally got it through my head not to run my mouth so when y'all talk about you know who I donno what y'all talking 'bout"

lol.. I love that song! esp Andre 3000's part...

Anyways, this aint bout music... This supposed to be my progress report, right? Today went well, we thank God. Could have been better, but I wont beat myself up too much about it. Was crazy tired (maybe cos I aint slept properly in a bit) and i dont think i will until Friday *sigh* the Lord is my strength) I did eat today.. Maybe a little more that i woulda liked.. (i would have like to have eaten nothing... so you get the idea..lol) and worked out a little bit... not as much as I would have liked... I kinda overslept after i got home.. and it was too late to go to the gym after i woke up... that really made me sad for a minute.. but i'll be fine... :(

So yea, thats the progress report for today... Don't think I will be eating tomorrow though.. Like my 'common sense' is telling me that not eating is not the way forward... but another part of me is telling me that it is... donno which one to listen to... well confused... Anyways.. Gotta go now.. Wish me luck on not eating tomorrow..

ps: I know i was crazy upset over the weekend over something that happened... But like now, i'm good, i realized that i was focusing too much on the negative and overlooking the positive.. a couple of really good things happened too. Anyways.. that was just a random addition.. Gotta go now.. Bye!!!

~*the forever sexy*~

.oao.

Day #1

Okay, so today is Sunday, right? And like I went to church, right?lol. I actually like going to church.. Cos sometimes, even though I feel like it's...yea..(lol) Every time I go I feel like God is talking to me..*blankstare*..lol

Well, I concluded that or should I say realized that while I'm here thinking about how my workout life sucks and i'm focusing on other things that aren't really relevant, I haven't really done anything to better myself spiritually.. So yea, I gotta work on that..lol.. A lil' something for y'all to think about on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.. :) y'all can thank me later..(act like my name is Drake or something..haha!) So yea, that's some grown folk ish...lol.. haven't really said nothing on that in a bit. I would have talked more about it.. but I aint no preacher..lol

But yea... Day 1... went well.. worked out for a bit :) oh, and I decided that the not eating thing wasn't the way forward. I was sick for most of last week, and in my heart of hearts I know it was cos i wasn't eating right. Plus i also know that not eating is not exactly the best way to lose weight.. so yea, i scraped that from the list.. and made myself eat, even though i didn't really feel like it. So yea, that's my daily update.. Hopefully I'll keep up the good work and not dismount the horsie (lol) again..

Gotta love and leave y'all now.. I'm reading this book for class.. And let's just say that this book...lol... well, it can be applied to both the 'grown' and 'sexy' aspects of this blog.. most especially if you take the last letter away from one of them words.. i'll let you figure out which word..lol.. the book is on some deep shit... I'll see how it goes, and maybe i'll be nice and share some of the information contained in the book on here..haha. anyways.. i feel like i'm rambling now.. so yea, another update or should i say progress report coming up tomorrow. ciao :)

~the grown&sexy~

.oao.

Random/rant/whatever

Heyyyyyyy!!

Lol.. so i havent been on here in a minute... My bad... been busy with school.. life.. same old song..*sigh*... I had written a post previously... but 'someone' read it the wrong way.. so i kinda had to take it off.... and then i started writing another one earlier today.. cos i had A LOT on my mind... but i decided not to put it on here anymore.. cos it was kinda #deeeeeeep.. and like i was about to put an asshole on blast.. but decided to chill on that... for now.. and it was one of them motherfuckers too... whoosahhh.. you shoulda talked to me like 2 hours ago... i was on a whole 'nother tip.. like 'fuck em niggas, i dont give a damn bout these niggas'.. *Weezy voice*.. but like i talked to someone who i know like cares about me and he made me feel better... and like one of my best best (yea, said that twice-lol) friends from like high/secondary school holla'd at me like just now... and like i aint talk to him in a minute.. so yea, that kinda lifted my mood a little... just a little bit though...

I still feel like crap. :( last night was like, the worst night i've had in agesssss!!! like i really dont get the way some people's brains operate... like where they do that at... honestly.. but like i said, i shall not delve into that... not here.. and not just yet... maybe later.. just maybe... cos the post i wrote on it... ooooh chil'... *deep breath*....

Anywayyyysssss! I kinda have a long day ahead of me... one i was kinda looking forward to until last night which yea... not gonna describe it again.. but yea... I should like do something like workout now before i go... but like... i dont feel like moving.... I just want to lay in my bed all day... and cuddle with Tyrese...(thats my 'cuddly'..*blankstare*) haha!! okay... enough of that 'emosh' display.. but you get the picture. I'm pissed as *!**$%@$!$!... But yea... I should work out, cos i feel like i gained 50 pounds, when i needed to have lost like 100pounds.. so now i need to lose like 150pounds in like 4 weeks.. because i signed up for this thing...

But like my workout life has been.... lets just say its not what it was... I mean, i have school and work and all that.. but like that has always been there.. I always found a way.. I always found time.. But lately... I've been slippin' son... I dont know why. I'm supposed to be getting stronger... Not lazier... my body is supposed to be getting harder and sexier too!!! ughhh!!! i'm so mad at my self right now.. Not gonna eat for a week!! no jokes.. And working out used to be like my primary tension reliever too.. (it used to be writing.. but i stopped that.. got in trouble for that..long story...) but like yea.... i think i'm going to cry now...lol.. and i think like not working out is what has made me like things get to me more... damn.. gotta fix that, huh...?

*sigh* anyways... (yea, i said that again.... what?!lol) so what i fell off for a minute... i'm bout to climb back on top that horsie...lol.. and for the first week i shall chronicle my journey (on the horsie..lol) everyday... yup.. i'm making a commitment to blog everyday (about my 'diet' *blankstare* and exercise routine) for 7 consecutive days... haha.. sounds like jokes to me right now.. but i shall.. and may be i shall also input a little bit of 'juicy' info that i pick up along the way... lolzers (yup, i said that too... what?!)haha... okay... i would say that the fact that my blood sugar is low, and my brain aint getting enough sugar/glucose, is the reason i'm chatting (or should i say typing) nonsense... but like... haha.. yea.. I just ate.. and I just ate A LOT too.. (i do that sometimes when i'm mad/stressed/angry-bad, i know but oh well.. we all have our weaknesses/flaws right? i'm bout to fix that one though.. watch me)

But yea.. like i said, i've got a looooooong day ahead of me... I need to start getting ready... both physically and mentally. plus i feel like i've 'shared' too much... and someone (just someone) might think i'm crazy *shrugs* oh well.. i would say i don't care.. but i actually kinda do.. but then again i can only be me... so yea... gotta love and leave y'all... for now.. will be back tomorrow with updates...haha.. hopefully... (remember.. the diet/exercise thing..?) but yea.. 7 days.. hope y'all dont get tired of me...

deuces...

~*~the forever and ever and ever sexy (and maybe a tad bit too random)~*~

.oao.

Music and me

Okay, so i've been gone for a minute (almost a month.. not too bad this time..lol) A LOT has happened since my last post... so much so that it seems like the last one was written eons ago...smh. I wish i could say most of what transpired has been 'good' but yea.. that would be a lie.. and i'm tryna live right so yea.. haha.. Hasn't been all bad though.. Definately learned a lot about myself and life in general.. so i can't complain much.. :)

anyways... done with the intro and all that... I have not really got anything in particular to write about... okay, i lie.. I do have a lot on my mind (excess baggage kinda 'lot'..lol) but i don't know where to start or if i'm even ready to 'share'... *shrugs*.. so yea.. once again i shall go on about 'nothing' :-D.. Now, some may ask "Is it by force for her to blog, she aint got nothing to say.. why she gotta write though?" well yea, it's by force!! 'Fi mi le'.. I think its kinda lame to have a blog and not update it regularily.. even if people don't read it..lol.. :-P (I DO hope people do read this though.. PLEASE read my blog.. pretty please.. :-D lol)

This post is dedicated to Music... Haven't done a proper music post in a while.. So yea, i think one is in order.. Plus music helps take my mind off things and helps elevate my mood sometimes (psych talk).. I can get high of music.. *sigh* :) lol. Going to put the top 5 most requested (lol) or played songs on my ipod.. In no particular order other than one must come before the other.. (i've always wanted to say that..haha) Here goes!

1. AIN'T THINKING ABOUT YOU - Chris Brown & Tyga

"I just wanna have a good time,

keep you out my mind,

find a little shawty I like.."

my fav. line from the song... that and,

"but it's alright, it's okay

my blackberry's filled with

a whole bunch of women.."

and...

"Used to be you that I liked,

but I'm gonna do what I like

tonight.."

Let's just say I love the whole song..hehe.. And Tyga is actually a decent lyricist.. He finally made me a fan.. that's not an easy feat to accomplish..

It's so ironic too, or should i say strange because if you know me, you know I'm not a CB fan.. But I won't lie.. I'm quite feeling his new cd/mixtape.. It's like homeboy is tryna win my heart back... He can't though.. Cos I'm married to Ri-Ri. Me and Chris will just have to be friends... *sigh*

#NowOnToSongNumberTwo

2. ALL I WANT IS YOU- Miguel & J. Cole

"At best all they do is distract me but now,

deep down, when I face it, all I want is you.."

Another song i'm in love with atm... I don't know why.. Cos the 'story-line' is kinda um... well, dumb. I mean, he wants her now that she's gone.. Implying that she was once there.. with him.. and then he fucked shit up.. And now she's just supposed to just come back... Haha.. jokes.

"Cos they don't smile or smell like you,

cos they don't make me laugh, or even cook like you

girl they don't photograph.. nah they don't sex like you

let's face it, i can't replace it..

all i want is you.."

lol. How cute... You live and you learn though.. Next time don't do such, you hear. Don't let her go..haha. Still love the song.. been listening to it non-stop for a couple of weeks now... and it doesn't look like i'm gonna get tired of it any time soon...

#songnumberthree...

3. SINGLE - Lil' Wayne

"And I aint tripping on nothing,

I'm sipping on something..

and my homeboy say he got a bad

bitch for me tonight.." ;-)

Mehn Weezy sounds mad 'breezy' on that one..haha.. Sound like he on cloud 9... Especially right before he goes, "Polo T-shirt, Polo drawers".. haha.. Listen to it well.. sounds like he took a puff right before..lol.. I don't blame him.. the beat/backing track (think that's what its called..no?) sounds like one of them records that was made to get high to... Don't ask me how I know.. I heard people talk. But yea.. I love that song.. it's mad chilled...

"Put your hands up if you're single for the night.." - so after the night what happens though?smh.. Anyways.. My hand is up... "Yea, I'm single, nigga had to cancel that bitch like nino.." haha

#songnumberfour

4. HOLDING YOU DOWN - Jazmine Sullivan

"Its a shame that you don't care enough to even give me half the love I give to you.."

"I'm ashamed to say that I'm to blame for how you act.. Cos I keep coming back.."

I pray that never happens to me. Amen! lol... On the real though.. then it goes,

"I feel so stupid... foolish 'loving' you this way.."

You should. Dumb broad..haha.. #nodisrespect.. But how you gonna go back to a nigga who aint treat you right? I don't understand.. You know he doing wrong, you know he's trifling and its hard to let go? Really. How..? Why..? Well let me not talk too much.. I'm going to fast and pray that I never find my self in such a situation.. Cos if I do.. hmm.. Let me not talk too much..

"I'll stay cos I love you but I hate that I stay..

you know I won't go that's why you treat me this way..

I wanna be happy though it hurts me so bad

don't know what it is that keeps me coming back.."

Smh at the whole scenario.. If that's what 'love' does, then I don't want. Thanks. I'm not interested.lol.. But then again, it's only a song, right? Shit like that don't happen in real life.. *sideeye*

#andthenfinally

5. LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE - Eminem & Rhianna

Okay, I don't like it. In fact, I HATE being lied to.. I however, like the song.. well, only the hook.. (i'm in love with Rihanna (#nohomo... well maybe a little.. ;) I have no idea what that boy was going on about.. Only heard "next time there will be no next time.." and then something about burning a house down..? Why that dude gotta be so violent though..?smh..

Bonus track... cos i like y'all so much... :-D

GOT YOUR BACK - T.I & Keri Hilson...

"When we're high, when we're low

when I promise I will never let you go

said I got I got I got your back boy.."

"Keep my swagga, keep it looking good for ya

keep it looking hood for ya.."

Awww. I love this song cos it's about love.. lol.. Like the proper love that people should have/want. The kind that makes a little sense. Not dysfunctional love. It's a damn shame that T.I and Tiny just got in trouble (again!-boy, you don't want to learn?smh..) But yea.. The song is hott... I hope I meet someone that makes me like 'feel' the song, if you know what I mean. Anyways I hope my man T.I doesn't have to go away again. and i wish him and Tiny the best.. they actually make quite a cute couple.. Can't hate on them.

Now that i think about it, there's more songs.. like 'I just haven't met you yet'- Michael Bubble; B.M.F - Ricky Rose; 'The man who can not be moved' - The Script; 'Te Amo' - 'Rihanna; Cooler than Me' - Mike Posner; DEUCES!!!!! - Chris Brown and Tyga! i think i need to dedicate that one to a couple motherf*$#!s.. but, nah... I'll let it slide.. I see y'all m.f's though... Don't think I don't.. haha.. It's all love though.. Like really.. lol.. But I should do a post about some m.fs soon.. hmm... lol. We'll see..

Anyways.. I've gotta be out.. need to 'work on my fitness', my gym life's been dulling atm.. tres sad.. i need to fix that asap, cos it's not cool at all.. But I don't know how/what to do anymore.. *sigh* Then I've got school work.. among other things i gotta deal with.. *doublesigh*.. I shall try to write again soon.. Deuces!(lol)

*~the ever sexy~*

.oao.

ps: I hope that y'all 'missed me a little when i was gone'.. *said in Drake voice*lol

..forgiving and forgetting..

"some say the x make the sex spec-tacular

make me lick you from yo neck to yo back the ya

shiver-ing, tongue deliver-ing chills up that spine

that ass is mines. skip the wine and the candlelight

no cristal tonight, if it's alright with you we ......"

"The whole, city is mine, prettiest don

I don't like the way P. Diddy did shyne with different lawyers

Why it's mentioned in my rhymes? Fuck it, it's just an intro

Hate it or love it. Like it, bump it or dump it"

LOL.. Y'all probably know where the first one is from.. but the second.. hmm.. I will personally deliver a prize to whoever figures it out.. Nah, scratch that.. Cos there's 'google'.. Anyways.. was listening to them songs and decided to write some of my favorite lines.. SUE ME.. Now to the topic du jour....

Okay.. So wait, you're supposed to forgive and forget.. give second chances.. is it really possible to let ish go when people treat you wrong.. like do you really forget? like really, really? I don't. I remember that ish. I may forgive based on the intention(s) behind the action(s).. but at the end of the day... its difficult to forget, for me anyways. in a way it's a good thing..lol.. (not really, but i'm going to justify myself, damnit!!lol) It's a good thing, because if i do 'forget' (which would be highly unlikely as i remember a lot of things i shouldn't) it simply means that the person is 'dead to me'.. like i would care less about them. loll.. Damn..

The way i work is, when i forgive, i cant help but remember the pain/hurt... but at the same time, i let it go. I use the person's fuck up as a bench mark with which i would compare the persons reformed performance...lol.. (i think i forgot the point i was tryna make)... But yea, I really want to learn to forgive and forget without anything else to it. I need someone to 'teachme'.. Oh well, i'll add that to the list of things i need to learn.

Like to me, the concept of forgetting can be likened to the incidence of a child putting his hand in fire/gets burned or whatever, and then completely forgets about the pain, and does it again.. Wouldn't you call that child dumb or stupid? Or at best mentally challenged or slow? I'm like that child in a way, only I'm wiser (lol).. I get burned.. I'm scared of or avoid fire for a while.. After that while, I may still 'play' with fire, but I'll know that there is a very high likelihood that that jawn will injure me. I think knowing or anticipating makes the pain less.. Because sometimes, the reason it hurts so much is cos you didn't see it coming, so the shock only amplifies the pain..?

Okay... I started talking (or writing) off point again.. I think I need to go now..... Yes, I do realize I haven't written anything in a while (over a month now) and it's cos of this... I get something good to write about.. start writing and then half way through I get lost or stuck.. *sigh* .. oh well. C'est la vie, right? I will overcome.

still confused, but ever so sexy

oao

Finally- the fitness post.. or something like that :-)

Okay, so i finally decided to stop procrastinating and work on this diet/fitness post.. Yayy me.. Part of or the main reason I decided to get off my arse and do it was to hopefully motivate myself in the process of writing it (there's a psychological term for this which escapes my conscious thought right now..damn.lol) but yea. Here goes..

It's summer time, the sun is out and its time to bring out them bikinis and skimpy bathing suits. Thing is not every body is summer ready.. Some bodies need a little tweak/work.lol. Sike.. That's bs and a load of crap. If you're tryna lose weight or get ripped, do it for personal/health reasons as opposed to 'its summer, i suppose' flex muscle for beach'.. haha

Basically what i'm going to do, (and i'll let y'all know if it works, cos like i said, i'm trying to change myself for 'health' (lol) reasons too), is watch what i eat (*coughs*) and try to do double time on my workouts. I have a goal, to lose a bunch of weight (say, about 50-60lbs)-lol. And to become well fit in the process.

My 'advice' lol to people tryna do the same thing would be to do cardio 3-5 times a week for 30-45 minutes each time. Cardio could be such exercises as walking/running/jogging or you could take any of the various aerobics classes available to you- those can be fun. Just be consistent. It also helps to do some form of resistance training a couple times a week. For extra 'conditioning' or toning.

On the diet side, cut out simple sugar, and uneccesary fats from the diet. Now, don't go and overdo it by cutting out carbs altogether, because carbs provide the body with energy needed to workout! An engine needs gas to run.. Protein is also extremely important, especially if you're trying to build muscle. You need about 1g of protein/kg of body weight (or if you do your weight in lbs, divide by 2 to get amount of grams of protein needed/day)- lol.. I know I sound like a nutrition geek right now.. But it's good, I should.. took a class on nutrition last semester.. Can't let all that good knowledge go to waste now, can we?.lol.

In conclusion, (lol) losing or gaining weight is all about getting the calorie balance/equation right. If you eat more than you burn, you will gain, if you eat less, you might lose. To maintain weight eat same as you burn. Also if you work with heavy weights frequently you will gain size/muscle (trust me, I know this from personal experience) So it's all about what you want. Decide what you want for your body, come up with a plan and work towards it. You are more than likely going to fuck up at some point. Don't beat yourself up about it, and don't use that as an excuse to quit (avoid the abstinence violation effect).

If you have any questions (lol) hit me up.. You can do so (lol) via twitter/facebook/bbm/email/sms text/telephone call… (haha- damn, i make myself laugh unnecessarily) anyways, yea, fitness is one of the few things that I am passionate about, so it will be a pleasure to answer any questions. Plus if there is anyway you think you could motivate/inspire ME more, please get at me and do so asap!!, it would be greatly appreciated and I would love you unconditionally for it… Because I won't lie, there are times when i don't feel like working out.. even though I know I should. And i can be the worst trash eater too.. Constantly in want of a workout/diet buddy, who would challenge and push me and also be like my sponsor (like in AA..) So yea, hollerrrr!haha

~the fit and ever so sexy~

o.a.o