She's back..... finally

Ok, so I'm actually blogging... Even I can't believe this. The last post I put up was in MAY 2010 and before that maybe sometime in late '09. I've been more than lazy about this blog I tell you and if not for O.A.O it probably wouldn't exist anymore. So standing O for The exercise junkie for blogging for the two years I've been AWOL...

Anyhowsers (I totally just made that word up), coming back to blogging made me realize that there are soooo many things that I start that I just abandon... You cant even begin to imagine the number of projects I've tried my hands on that I'm like...I'll get to that later or I'm so busy right now, no one would possibly expect me to focus on x, y or z... basically excuses that sound fabulous to me but in actuality are just really spineless... I'm just really tired of all my unfinished projects.....

So I decided to create a bucket list for the rest of my time in DC since imma be dipping in a few months (to where, only Jehovah knows). A lot of the things on this bucket list are things I've always wanted to do and things that I've started to do but never finished. Like this blog....

You know what I think my worst unfinished project is though? I think its relationships. I can be so gung-ho about people and all but I realize that when I get really busy, the first thing that falls off for me is communication..... And I really do try.... but it doesn't go down well with people.. I've heard people say all kind of things like 'oh, you don't care about me or anybody but yourself', 'life runs on your own schedule', 'you say you care but you do the opposite', 'you don't love me', 'you make me feel like an option' and other variations of these phrases.... *sigh*

Do you know what I tell them? 'I was thinking about you the whole time'. It sounds cheesy, but its soooooo true you have no clue. Like the whole time I've actually been thinking 'oh how is so and so doing? i miss them....' But the reality of this hit me when I lost some meaningful friendships (this is not to say that it's all been my fault, but still I like to take responsibility for my goofs). People don't know I'm 'thinking' about them no matter how much i say so because it's unprovable.

So I cut my losses and cleaned my act up. And I've begun to make an effort. And if you're one of my friends, you will notice the difference if you haven't already. It's exhausting trying be warm and fuzzy when I'm a very laissez faire person generally but I think its well worth it. At least I don't have to feel guilty anymore and try to overcompensate. ok that sounds a little self-serving... but on the realz though, relationships are richer when people care about the feelings of others, even when you feel they're being melodramatic and oversensitive. At least in my own opinion....

So the rest of senior year will be spent completing my bucket list and working on my relationship skills so I don't end up an old lonely woman with no family or friends.... (Actually, I know that wont happen cos I'll have O.A.O and @blackivory21 forever not for any other reason but for the fact that these babes are colder than... As if anybody could actually be colder than Mobobbs... (I love you both))

I'll put up the bucket list in my next post and I'll be good about my blogging, I promise....


Stay warm this weekend,

The Martian.