the way how i feel...

I feel empty... void of emotion and feeling. I'm hurt, but I don't feel it... My brain knows it, but it fails to register. I should be mad, I should cry, I should do something.. Anything... But I can't... I just sit here, thinking about nothing and listening to ~my mus!c~... it's sad really... but whatever...

I feel like my heart is cracked, and is about to be broken into many pieces... But I don't feel anything... I think my subconscious subconsciously turned my feelings off and I don't blame it at all...

On the outside, I might be this calm, cool and collected babe (*coughs*) but I'm actually quite fragile... I bruise easily and that is one of the reasons I don't put myself out there, relationship-wise and in so many other respects.. I've been hurt too many times before, and each time left an ugly scar imprinted on my heart.. Scars that I'm learning to live with, manage and 'code'... but the more scars I get, the harder it is to cover them up...

I know I'm speaking in metaphors and parables and that's because I can't come out and say what's wrong. Its just who I am... I'm the sort of person who'll be standing on a nail, but will refuse to say anything if I think it will rattle anyone in the slightest... I don't tell anyone my issues, not just 'cause I think people will judge and/or talk, but because I don't want to burden anyone else with my s**t.. There's only one person that knows and I thank God for him, cos he keeps me sane, it's like he's my 'safe-house'................. Love yah boo..

But back to the topic du jour... It's like.. I don't don't know... Sometimes I push my problems to the back of my mind to the point that even I forget about them.. and this is bad, cos what you don't know can hurt you..

Anyways I will be fine... eventually... I always am.. A good thing about scars is that the healing time gets shorter with each one... I heal faster each time. I see heartbreak as an opportunity to grow and learn something new. It makes you stronger too, and more adept to handle the s**t that one runs into whilst travailing life's various terrains...

I'm about to go do something... I don't know what, but I really don't want to write right now... I'm listening to my 'happy song of the moment' - things you do (Gina Thompson).. (doesn't relate to anyone/anything atm but I loves it) I'll listen to that joint, read a couple chapters of psych (yayy me!lol) and chill... will holla, and maybe update y'all on my 5-day hunger strike and 'bb's birthday bash' haha (had to end on a happy note.. :-) 

Will holla~ stay sexy...

'wa~wa'

xoxo